06.10.06 - 2:09 a.m.

got drunk because i hated my date the other night. it's too icky to even go through but basically the new guy liked me too much. like google eyed at me through a movie and was syrupy in an icky overbearing way. and he's fat. and i ended up having sex with him even though i didn't want to. foolish paleta. no excuse. my own need to get off? to get him off my back? and i kept thinking i hope that Crush doesn't feel this way about me.. that i'm obsequious and annoying. ugh.
and my friend's mom died tonight. just so fucking sad. so painful. his life isn't easy anyway, this makes it even suckier. death is just so heavy. there isn't a way to talk about it.
i'm drunk and exhausted and wondering about perspective and how death is really good at shooting a good dose of perspective at everyone. and where am i and what am i doing and where is summer anyways?
sighsighsighsigh
-me

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