05.12.06 - 8:09 p.m.

And a moment of silence to appreciate the Joy of Finding Eyebrow Waxing. I look cute with a fresh hairless upper lip and shapely eyebrows.

And another moment of silence to Not Admonish Me For Being Dumb With Boys. I have to be nice to myself. Because I am cute, and sexy and know what's up. I just don't listen so well. So in the last few days of after sex and after him not calling or emailing At All and the replaying of confusing conversations in my head, I realize that I wasn't assuming things, I just wasn't LISTENING. No matter how many times I am told, and the fact that I'm actually in a class about strategic questioning and listening (gracias, Quakers) I was definatley self selecting what I wanted to hear from crush.

He told me in the beginning, like the first couple of days that he needed to be 'slow friends'. My fault for not getting clarity on that definition. And every time I said something like "I want this..." or "I'm looking for this..." about a relationship and everytime he either didn't say anything (fabulous communication skills on his part) and then he didn't do what it is that I asked for- yet I still kept at it... plugging away, searching for "where is it? it's gotta be here somewhere..." and no, Paleta darling, it isn't, it wasn't, and although he wasn't explicit or even particularly constructively communicative it was there... you just chose to overlook it.

Sigh. What a bummer to realize that yet again the Unavailable man was the target of my time. The list is pretty long (he's disorganized, doesn't have his shit together, has lackluster arms and a back crack he calls an ass, has herpes, doesn't communicate well, makes me feel like i'm confusted and dumb, doesn't compliment me in any way, etc. etc.) so I just need to keep remembering the list, try not to feel so lonely and get on with it, for chrissakes.

Another tough thing right now is it's once again Transition Time. My coursework is over and it's time to find a real job, write a thesis and say goodbye to my classmates. To think when I got to Snoshoe I was so hot to get out and now that it's green and spring and my social life has its enjoyments, I don't want to go. There are some dope people here as well, but I'm good at staying in touch. Shit, I even texted a year old booty call just to say 'hello' last night. The psychology of the relationship between booty call and texting should be explored for sure sometime.

And I got lots of texts from Octavio too last night. It seems just when I'm at my loneliest he gets in touch. Cosmic distant love, perhaps? I'll see him this summer. He'll like my pretty eyebrows...

Full circle. Got any good jobs out there for social justice art work with immigrants?

Or popsicle tasting?

Byebye
Paleta con Fuerza

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