03.29.05 - 5:49 p.m.

It has been a quajillion years since I last wrote. I barely even know what I want to write about. I do know that I still don`t know what to do with my life once I leave El Frijol, but while here the issues are exciting. Slutty interns have been getting hickeys and chastised by me. I`m worried that they are going to do it with too many Frijoleros and represent my program and gringas in general as big whores. Which only a few of us are.

The whole machismo thing is driving me NUTS. El Frijol is a man`s paradise. The women cook, clean, take care of the kids and refer to the men for everything. EVERYTHING. Even if the man is in the goddammned U.S.A. working (illegally) the women still call him up to ask permission if they can leave the house!!ARGH! I`m serious. There is no freedom here. To be vocal women risk losing their men, house, $ and kids. And the men can do whatever they want and screw whoever they want without consequence. It`s such a man`s world. I talked to a young mom friend of mine who thinks of herself liberal and she says that when women congregate and talk about being free-er they are called �lesbians�. Oy vey. Her husband is in the U.S. as we speak. I know for a fact he`s fooled around on her (one of my previous interns in fact) and it kills me. These women are too good for this shit but can`t change. Needless to say it`s killing any and all desire I`ve had to even think men here are good looking any more, much less revert to my old Big City latin lovin`ways.

And I had a scare two nights ago. I woke up at 4am to a sound and flung open my window (which is level with my landlord`s roof) to see a man staring me in the face! I screamed and ran and he fled and it was a general freak out. My landlord has been robbed twice and now I`m scared. I`m impressed with my reaction, I did not freeze and I was able to shout in Spanish, but imagine the damage if the guy had gotten into the house. Eek. I moved inside the landlord`s house- the apt. I was renting is attached and a lot less secure.

Living with them is a bit weird. They made it clear to me I wasn`t to have any visitors of the male variety. No problem this time, although I did find out that the last session when I rented from them they heard me having loud sex during the day and freaked out a bit. The need not worry. I`m done shouting about sex- just now shouting about the roaches that run across my arm because my new room has no bed, just a mattress on the floor.

I`ll try and keep up diary entries. I have been so busy, but I just read Ms. Russia`s (formerly Ms. Brazil) diary for the first time in a long and I missed her wedding! How diaryland important! Bueno, nos vemos.

Paleta Who Is Safe

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