04.23.05 - 2:32 p.m.

It has been ridiculously long since I made an entry. I always get to the internet cafe when I have too much work and haven�t eaten anything and get spacey and so don�t add an entry. But today is sunday and I need to vent. I am tired of El Frijol. I�m tired of this job especially since I made the decision to go to grad school in Snoshue next year. I�m feeling low because I finally made a big desision (how the fuck do you spell that??) and that always makes me sad. Choices stress me but get me all juiced up with thinking about possibilities...

I�ve also been having lonely dreams. I�ve been fine until now being man-less but I had a couple of nights of dreams of sweet boys doing sweet things. My ex always seems to show up in these dreams but he is always either definatively out of reach or asking me to get back with him and me declining. Nice to know three years later I�m 98% over him.

My dad, uncle and two cousins came to visit last week. It was nice to get a week off from the interns, but I was about to strangle my uncle and cousins. The 11 year old acts like an annoying clingy baby and isn�t remotely independant, making his good qualities hard to remember. My uncle completely babies him and that drove me bonkers. The other cousin is 15 and just generally weird, sullen and awkward. He said about three sentences to me all week. Sigh. Also the 11 year old is afraid of bugs. There are many bugs in El Frijol as it is a Tropical Country. Triple Sigh.

I have been watching t.v. instead of working out. This means I feel fat and have a double chin growing. This is a horror, but I can�t stop overeating and not excercizing. Today I had big plans to go on a jog but then went and drank beer. I can still try and jog,but I drank beer because I couldn�t get high and so now feel all fuzzy and have to pee and will probably end up taking a nap and then staying up late watching soft porn on cable, eating my landlord�s pineapple and feeling fat, lonely and undersexed.

Wow. I�m hot stuff these days, no? It�s like 80 and sunny and breezy here and all I want to do is be back in my Big City and be high and take a bike ride and sit by the lake. Transition is already setting in. I�m out of El Frijol in three short weeks. I am sad.

Paleta Full of Sighs

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