02.28.05 - 3:39 p.m.

It has been a weird week. I'm feeling all fuzzy from some ridiculously fancy weed that my computer date last night gave me. I think he was trying to impress me, but all it did was blow my mind and make me realize that he was really getting on my nerves. I took him home early after I started getting paranoid about money (he kept acting like he needed a loan) and getting tired of all of his references to clubs and music and popular city crap that I felt like I was supposed to know. No, gracias. Plus he speaks no other language and has never been out of the country. This makes it harder to bond.

It's been a bizarre boy week in general. I finally saw the HFB (Hairless Filipino Boy) again. After a girl margarita night and a fly-by at the reggae club (and running into an Argentinan friend who I would have gladly jumped last year and now think he's to effeminate (spelling?))I made the booty call. I even framed it that way, when he picked up I said "Booty Call!" he laughed. He was out too. Perfect. He came over my house and proceeded to do TEN LINES OF COCAINE!!! Woah. I have never been around much coke. The first time I ever tried it was this year! I managed to go 31 years without really dipping in (I think my friends were too broke and those who were not just potheads jumped right into heroin. Ew.) and there is this boy flying high. Oh my. Not only does he have the $ to do it, but he obviously does it enough that ten lines after partying all night drinking did not send him into cardiac arrest. He was merely jittery, a bit more sweaty than usual and could not maintain all that was required in the bedroom. I thus concluded that cocaine does not in any way make for a good booty call. Sigh. Not worth the wait. Although, to his credit, he was fun to talk to and he divulged that he does, indeed, shave his testicles! And there's a diversion to turn over in my brain for a few good weeks.

He also got me thinking about how many different scenes there were in the world/in this city. And how I'm just not involved in whatever it is he's into, our circles wouldn't really overlap. And although I'm not in any way sad I don't overlap with him, it gets me feeling isolated in the world. I think I'm a part of community, of this city, and then I realize how very different everyone is and how they perceive things and I start feeling like I can never really know anyone and communicate with true understanding. At least not with coke heads who have bald testes...

Of course we stayed up until 5:30 in the morning, so the rest of my week was shot. Just feeling tired and unmotivated. Although I had the most ass kicking personal training session yesterday. I am sore EVERYWHERE and actually feel like my body looks different somehow. I'm also eating really well these days (despite the kind bud Reece's cup splurge, something like 400 calories, all of it fat, refined sugar AND after 9pm... bad,bad, baby).

I need a friend lift. I'm trying really hard to not mask lonliness by hanging out with people (boys) I don't really like just for company. I've made plans for the whole weekend with good girl friends, I'm really looking forward to it.

My brain is complicated right now. Feeling out of sorts. More when I get to a computer again...
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