07.20.06 - 11:37 p.m.

oy vey.
yet another one flown the coop. my eternal octavio is gone to me forever. he was the back up. the mexican who came to stay with me and it didn't work out and so he was supposed to pine away for me forever in mexico and i would someday arrive and we would have babies. not gonna happen. boy just sent me an email telling me that if i end up going to mexico anytime soon now would not be a good time to visit. because he's living with someone. umm. yeah, not so good. but he closed the letter with "te amo". are you allowed to do that?

i'm not really that broken up. it was all just a fantasy. but it would be nice to still be his friend. somehow with the whole mexican woman jealousy thing i don't think that's gonna happen. sigh. we'll see though.

weird weekend. got promoted in capoeira. now i have a cord that i don't really deserve in terms of my game, but now i feel like i have responsibility to deal with all the race/oppression/social justice crap i think needs to be dealt with. we are so back ass in that group. i swear.

i'm mostly okay. not really feeling the boy thing right now. drinking heavily though. and eating too much too. i feel fat and UGLY. but my hair is working for me these days... i don't have much else to say. Crush wrote me a few emails. i'm not sure what i think. i dog-sat for him and that was actually really nice.
more later,
i'm knackered.
paleta

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