06.25.06 - 10:42 p.m.
Last Days, First DaysIt has been a thousand years since I wrote. What to say? There have been many changes.
I made it to Big City, although the trip SUCKED. I got rear ended (and not the good kind, hehe) so have to deal with insurance crap, didn't get to stop much and enjoy the trip due to a caravan partner who was gung-ho about getting the hell across country, dammit., had my muffler sound like it wanted to die, spent $70 on a hotel room and now am here bouncing from house to house because Beriba now lives in Pottery Barn with a white couch and one bedroom and I'm terrified of leaving hairs in the sink or staining anything.
I'm in major transisiton. Not really happy. Really unsettled. At least I'm bike riding like a maniac and had one funny outing with the capoeira group where I got to run around with a soccer ball and jersey through a throng of tuxedoes. Not exactly martial arts, but hilarious. Also back in the Real World in that people are not politically concious, everyone wants to make money and shop and no one gets me. And I have bad hair.
Jeez. Complain much? The last couple of days in Snoshoe were interesting. Lots of sun and biking and two weird days with Crush where it was like we pretended to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Cuddling on the couch watching the world cup, me reading, him packing, really tremendous sex that he initiated.... I left him some bday presents and A Letter when I left. He's too hidden for me. I got to stay at his house while he was gone. That was really nice, except I had to snoop and found two old letters from the old girl. Really well written and I only felt mildly jealous. And yes, I do feel bad for snooping but that doesn't make me stop.
At one point he told me that he wished he had someone to travel with and settle down with. What am I supposed to do with that? Has he not noticed me these past couple of months? He either doesn't want that person to be me or he is really bad at expressing that he wishes it was me. Who knows? It's all over now. Crush is in Africa and India this summer. Shiiit. And I'm here. In Big City with huge money stress and no idea how to start fighting the power.
I'll go to bed. That's a start.
Sigh.
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