04.02.06 - 10:30 p.m.
Yet AgainIt's all just so damn sad. Begin at the begin.. went to NYC this weekend to visit Ryangos. It was GREAT! He's such a good host, and his boyfriend likes me now, which was lovely. We went out for a day of museums and then ate incredible tofu and drank and danced and they treated me like a queen. They are good (and rich) hosts. I hope I can return the favor someday.
So I took the train back to Snoshoe and it seemed to take forever, called The Crush and it was kind of a lame phone call, but we made a date. Went on another walk, I met his really sweet dog, talked too much, was generally hyper. Loved his house, great art, really clean, sigh,sigh,sigh. Then at the end of the walk the bomb drops. OF. COURSE.
always, paleta!
I told him I had a crush on him. So he said he needed to be honest and he felt the same way about me (!) BUT he was finishing something up with some other woman and he didn't know where they stood, blahblahblahblah.... he gave me one of those 'hugs' like 'I am rejecting you but want you to still like me and be my friend because you are amazing and there is the off chance this won't work out and I want a back up'... fuuuuuuck.
And I was so crushed out. And I thought he was something Big. something Special. And basically I can't dream anymore. I shouldn't anyway. My heart gets crushed too easily in this man-less town.
And I really thought he was something else. He is. For someone else.
Sigh.
Crack. That's my paleta corazon.
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