03.30.06 - 11:53 p.m.

I am collecting clues to make sure the crush is reciprocal. I am obsessed. Spring is here and my brain is fuzzy. I'm all over the place.

We went on a walk today. These are the indicators from his end:
1. He came directly into my room in my house and was nosing around.
2. He gave me candy without asking (the way I would do it)like just putting it in my hand.
3. He asked me about my future plans a lot.
4. There was an actual straight up comment on my part (him: you are so full of energy! me: I think it's spring. and you.) and he said "am I blushing?"
5. There was a lot of just wonderful "I like hanging out with you" talk.

But then later on someone made mention of his ex-girlfriend (who lives in our tiny town) and the wind kind of got knocked out of me and I had to realize why that would be so... It's like I've been building up a severe fantasy (going so far as to imagine baby time lines and other embarrassing items too fantastical for an intelligent woman like myself to even mention for fear of sounding like a real fool) and then had to realize he has a real life that I did not make up for him and that he has no part in.

No wonder I crash so hard after infatuations. I imagine people to be what they aren't without finding out what they are, and when I get to the real part I am, inevitably, dissappointed. Why can't I just not over think? Not be influenced by the cosmic energy that is spring? Not be influenced by the long time it's been since I met a decent man who gets me all wound up? And just take it slow and get to know the dude? As He Is.

Sigh. To bed I go.
Paleta En Crush

�

previous - next

�