02.05.06 - 6:49 p.m.

Feeling busted up.. day after hang over drained. Went to a party last night. It was really fun... drank a lot, watched shocking gay porn (lots of coming on demand) and danced around. Nica came and we danced a bit, we didn't connect well on the dance floor like I like to... I had a skirt on so I'll blame it on that. We had a good talk about revolution and saving the world. I went back to his house and did it and after marathon he actually fell asleep when I was on top of him. Can you believe that? And when I woke him up he was like "that never happened to you before?" so at least my ego wasn't so damaged, knowing this was a regular whiskey style event for him.

I don't know. This morning we talked about his life in Nicaragua and he was all sensitive and deep but pretty self centered and I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing with him. I smell a lot lately (just sweaty or winter or something) and that adds in somehow. I do like him and I'm lonely and tired. Like I could/should be doing school work, but I'm so hungover and spent all day writing a group paper (which I found out I write better than people who I thought were really smart but are kind of lame ass writers...) and I just want to cuddle up with a boy. But he's a Bad Boy. And eventually I will be jealous. Or he will crack my heart and I will be sad.
Right now I'm just depleted and trying to stay up until 9pm so I can have a regular night's sleep when I want to go to bed NOW. With him.
Sigh.

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