12.21.05 - 12:42 a.m.

and the nicalust continues. he came over tonight. he was sweet. he was kind. he was good in the bed. he's killing me folks. we had a kind of talk. where he said "i've never had a relationship like this before. where we get along so well and we have so much fun together but it's so free!" he is enjoying getting the milk for free i guess. and normally i like being a dairy cow, but in this land of few men, and fewer who fit my fantasy to a t (gorgous latin man with a hot body and hotter smile who challenges me, is willing to talk about risky things with me, will speak spanish with me, cook with me and introduce me to his friends and dance andandand) i am worried.

we were talking about taking a road trip together. (did you hear that alarm? was it THAT loud?) he was like "you can meet my daughter". no i can't. a booty call DOES NOT MEET YOUR DAUGHTER. is it possible to develop a real relationship from a booty call? is it possible to sleep with someone on the first date and actually have something real come out of it? NOT FOR THE GIRL. shit,man. can i do this? can i live footloose and fancy free and not get jealous when i see him with some (obviously cuter) girl than me? of course i can't. so do i end it so i don't get hurt or do i enjoy the bacchanalia while i can and get some more spanish vocab from it in the meantime?
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
this is what happens when you have too little men on your hands and too much time to drink. i'm going on vacation. i.will.not.think.about.him.
every day anyway.
argh.
paleta con pancita de stress

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