10.31.05 - 11:27 p.m.

Wow. It seems like the last time I wrote was Halloween. I know, it hasn't been that long, but still.

Holy Fuck. Grad school takes up so much of my time. It's pretty amazing. Halloween was a nice break. I dressed like an old rich lady, pants up to my belly, saggy boobies (somebody said I looked like that old leathery lady from 'Something About Mary') and had all of these clay O shapes. When someone asked me what I was I would give them an O, press it, and say I was the Opressor. Get it? O-presser...
I got incredibly drunk and had fun dancing. It's been a while.

I've also had some serious low-lights. I have been working with this group of three other retardo-s to do a one hour presentation on Classism in Education. Huuuuuge topic, which I could go on and on for hours. To make a very long stressful story short, the group was lame, I directed everyone, everyone was stressed, no fun was had, someone yalled at me, I yelled back, I cried out of stress and then when we did the fucking presentation I was the only one who was good. Schmah. That's the last time I try and work with a corporate introvert, an angry hippie (far more common than you might imagine) and a teen ager. I hate working hard on something and feeling like crap in the end.

On another note, I'd like to say a word about grad school professors and how when you haven't got laid in what seems like an eternitiy and your campus lacks appealing single men (or non appealing single men for that mattter...)you begin to fantasize. Hard core. I had some terrific dreams tonight about the tiny Pakistani professor whose wife turned out to be a lesbian. I've also been getting attention from another one of my professors, not sexual, per se, but just a lot of energy. He's kind of pushing me into stuff (ie. "We're going to raise money for earthquake vicitms in Pakistan and you're in charge!") and he makes me want to do well for him. That makes me feel weird. I want to do well for me. I have to make sure I don't bend my will to fit his. He's got tons of energy, interesting dude. I do have to admit I do some very low key flirting with him, and slightly higher key flirting with the Pakistani. But I don't want to get rusty. And it sure gives me a high.

Continuing on the professor theme, I have been bored with one class that should be amazing. Incredible, famous professor, mind-blowing topics- but just dull as fuck classes. Like read, discuss. Read, discuss. Sigh. So I had to present a reading and I did an activity instead of the normal format. Not only didn't the professor participate, she left the room to do something else for a while. On the one hand that was rude, on the other hand grad school learning is for us, not her. So whatever. I get so sensitive when I feel like people don't like me. I need a mantra to remember that not all people need to like me to know that I'm a good person. Right? Right.

It doesn't help that my social life is lame. I miss my friends at home. Badly. Enough for now. It's halloween and my stomach is nasty, full of reece's pb cups. i love them too much.
I hope I'll write again soon,
Paleta

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