08.14.05 - 12:26 a.m.

I got a haircut. I always get the same thing but this time it's too short and too even. It's kind of an 80's bob thing and I'm hating it. But it's okay because I am in deep Ohio visiting friends with a house, minivan and two kids so my hair fits right in.

It's been an interesting week. After my last entry I continued to slut around (even just writing it that way tells me I'm judging myself. A few years ago it would be okay to me that I was sleeping with whoever I wanted whenever, but I think the El Frijol values steeped in and I feel a tiny bit like whore guilt or something. must get over that.) including having a rendevous with the 23 year old crush- it was surprisingly nice, I felt so very worldly and he was in awe and sweet and attentive- and then the very next day doin' it with the musician with the bad shoes I had reunited with. It was kind of doin' it just cuz in both cases. Squeezing the summer out.

But today I'm in Ohio (after an excruciating drive where only my radio, no cd ni tape, worked) and visited my old college. I LOVED college. But I realized today that I don't remember most of it. I was too busy being angsty and social and doing lots of drugs and drinking. Sound familiar? I did have a few trips down memory lane that made me really nostalgic for a time when I didn't have to worry about money-what was there to buy?, when you could wander around safely in a beautiful place bombed out of your gourd, when all your friends lived in one place... It was fun to walk around although the campus is in a bit of disrepair and the students we saw seemed really pasty and unenthusiastic.

It was a trip nonetheless and inspired me to think even more about the grad school experience I'm about to get myself into. I started reading my first assignments and I'm really, really interested so far (BIG sigh of relief!). It's all about how to organize teams of multicultural, international people to work together, while motivting, empowering,and getting projects done while being culturally sensitive and learning. I mean everything I'm interested in. They give lots of examples about how different cultures approach situations (Americans want to stay on task and get things done ASAP, Latinos like to chat and be a little personal before getting down to business, Arabs do a bunch of multitasking, etc. etc..) In any case it's nice to get my brain working after such obsessions with beer and boys.

Speaking of which I am not working out to the equivalent of the beer and cheese (!) I am consuming.. so I need to be way more vigilant about what I consume and I have to get my ass back to moving around (and not just underneath someone). Although the other night I did dance myself into a sweat for three hours and I always feel great doing that.

I'm a little overwhelmed with the immediate transition from party girl to Ohio family life. People my age but seemingly living on another planet. There's some tension here (like there was with my old friend in Santa Fe), kind of like my life is too different to jibe or something. In the backety back of my mind I feel like I'm trying to understand their life but no one can quite grasp mine, or that mine doesn't have the same value cuz I'm out bonking semi-teenagers. Maybe I have some issues. In anycase I'm glad I'm not a mommy right now, for many reasons least of which it's expensive. In my fridge at home, my food for the week consists stale tortillas, half a carton of soymilk, some old apples and old blueberries. That would not feed me and a child for a week.

Enough for now. Must to sleep on the couch.
Paleta de Nostalgia

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