06.25.05 - 7:43 p.m.

Life continues to suck in many ways. I don't know what's wrong with me. Transition probably. It always hits hard. And too much time on my hands. Thank god I start working on Sunday.

Had another out of it experience yesterday. Made plans to be social and then just couldn't bear it. Should've sweated my ass off in show practice instead. There was a blackout though and that was great. The whole neighborhood was out on their stoops and the air was hot and muggy and my kitty was outside. I drank a beer and made phone calls to everyone I could think of. Talked to Octavio in Mexico. It always bouys (buoys?) me a bit to know there is someone out there who will love me no matter what. His life is so slow and the same there... in reality I wonder if we could ever really be together because every time we are together it's unbalanced, but long distance it's georgous. My Spanish was flowing too and he laughs when I use my slang.. it made up for feeling so anti-social, alone and utterly crappy most of the evening.

Had a yard sale today but only made $13 (my roomate made $45). That's not great, but it was kind of fun to hang out in the sun, wash my car and try and befriend the stand offish neighbors.

No good boy stories. No boy stories. Maybe it's best to keep it that way. Trying to live my life the best way I can. Should only surround myself with people I feel comfortable with and care about. If I can't be myself it's not worth all that other freaked out energy.

Enough for now. Biiiig Siiigh.
Paleta

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