06.16.05 - 3:21 p.m.
Old and YoungI am feeling out of sorts. I'm sick and can't shake it. This long lasting cough and dry throat. And in my paranoid no-insurance-having moments I think I have throat cancer or something completely ridiculous like that. The problem is I've had very little energy and have been sleeping badly too so I'm not my usual perky self. And ever since last week I've been feeling pretty melancholy. Not great.
I did go over Iuna's new apt. during the day yesterday. It was a great little place and she got a $5000 grant to go do research on affordable housing in Central America. I am sooo jealous. I hooked her up with all I knew about El Frijol and was just so sad that I'm stuck here and can't go anywhere. I need to reread my entries about how much I love the Big City because frankly I want to get out again. She's very young and full of energy and still finding her way. I slipped in and out of feeling on her level and feeling like an old woman.
Went out last night with Beriba and Corazon. It was okay. Living with Beriba and calling her all the time makes it less exciting to hang out only because we already know eachother's stories. But it's nice to know we like eachother enough to spend all this time together and still go out... it really is like being in a relationship. Anyway we went to this bar with $1 drinks and appatizers and we snuck on to the wrong side of the bar (private party) and I tried to be slick, but in the end ended up paying full price for the drinks instead of the $1 special. So much for being slick. That was all of my money for the week. Sigh. I hate being this broke. It is only adding to my melancholy. But we slunk back to the crowed, cheap side of the bar and got a lot of lame drinks and tiny apps. for cheap. Not worth it. Beriba and Corazon talked about morgages a lot and it was over my head and a little boring. Too adult for me.
But then we went to an almost empty reggae bar and met up with Beriba's boyfriend and J.M. who hopefully can get me a discount at the Trendy Sneaker Store. Frencao and his friend who hates American society showed up along with some georgous Mexican girl who was young and had the most enviable boobs I have ever seen. I have come to terms with my teeny weeny boobies (good for atletics and all) but I would have loved to own these babies. Sigh. The Hater was really drunk and kind of flirty but then he actually mooned his friends, like for real pulled his pants down in a bar and I thought that was a bit much. Even for Paleta. There was some fun dancing though, although all the reggae was very old school and popular and stuff you'd heard a zillion times before. I miss my ex because he always had good new reggae too. It was a little fun because one of the young dudes with J.M. and Beriba's boyfriend was dancing with me and paying attention to me, and although he's like 17 (okay he got into the bar, so he must be at least of age) he was silly in a "Tryin' to be a Playa but don't really know how" way.
I also drove by my old school yesterday. It was too late to see Ms. Brazil but I saw one of my old students walking down the street and I wanted to cry. Why am I leaving teaching? The longer I stay away the harder it will be to go back... I miss the kids.
I went home and watched 'Finding Neverland' and bawled my eyes out. Family feel good movie of the decade. Definatley about enjoying childhood and imagination and just living when you can. And Johnny Depp is now and forever will be on the top of my list of boyfriends.
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