05.26.05 - 1:15 p.m.

I couldn't write this without the support of my dear Mrs. Russia. Mil gracias, Mrs. R. Paleta is up to her old tricks. Haven't been back in the Big City for more than two weeks and I've forgotten all of the humbleness El Frijol taught me. I'm back to being a bar ho. And how.

I've been having a very good week or so. It is georgous here, super springy, everything smells amazing and the city is entering that dazed "I forgot how horrible winter was, I DO love this city!" vibe. I've been living with a very good friend and we are becoming husband and wifey by calling one another four times a day even though we live together. I've gotten to see lots of my friends too and have been back in capoeira, but more on that later. That's a mixed bag (as always). But let's talk about what this diary is REALLY about. Rex, rugs and rock and roll.

Went to the Same Bar I Always Go To. Nothing has changed. Same everybody. People remember me, which is not always a good thing. But who should I see when I walk in the door but ye olde Hairless Filipino Boy. HFB was very smiley and not so fucked up that he couldn't look me in the eyes when he talked to me. I drank too much too fast (um, what else is new?) and acted like the 18 year old tartlets I was supervising in El Frijol. First I actually made out with Level 2 Transgression (from way back when). He was chewing peach gum and was so sososososo cute, but the whole time I was kissing him I was thinking about my friend who he used to date (the reason for the Level 2) and although she's long gone from the scene I still feel loyalty. Plus he's really young. So I put a stop to it and it was a little wierd. And I kept tarting. Cornered HFB in the hallway by the bathroom and made out with him too. He liked the peach gum. I felt different making out with him than Level 2.... mostly I felt less guilty. Although Level 2 saw us smooching and I felt like a big fucking jerk. I am too old to behave so retardedly, I think. In my defense I can only say that it was really nice to make out with anyone. It's been a dry four months.

Sooo I went home with HFB and it was interesting to see his life. Drum set, Maxim magazine, football, weights, video games- very boy-ey although pictures of his little nieces on all of the walls made him seem sweeter... we had lots and lots of sex but it was influenced by lots of alcohol so it wasn't fantabulous. I also felt really ambivalant about him. Honestly the best part was when he drove me home this morning. It was just really nice being driven and chatting randomly and having the wind blow through my boozy hair. I don't care if I see him again. I feel bad if Level 2 thinks of me poorly, because I really like him in a you are a special kid way. I also want these bar guys not to think of me as the gal who will sleep with everyone. I am too concerned with the Madonna/Whore thing after El Frijol. How do American men think again? Is it okay to have casual sex? I used to think so, but now I'm feeling more self consious about it. It's also all informed by the fact that I'd like to be with someone who I actually like, not just someone who is fairly cute and is convenient to screw.

Must to mull this over.
And in other news capoeira is weird, good when it's good, self confidence smashing when it's bad. And I have a black eye. Which makes people look at me with a weird mix of pity and curiousity. No, I was not beaten by my boyfriend. Capoeira really is a martial art.

More soon.
Paleta

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