02.03.05 - 12:17 p.m.

The debauchery continues. Not right this second as I'm ignoring the child I'm supposed to be babysitting (that sounds worse than it is.. she's happily painting in the next room). Last night I PROMISED myself that I would go to bed at a normal hour because I had personal training this morning and a capoeira show tonight. Of course I fucked up and really I'm upset that I missed training. For some reason I don't want to dissapoint my trainer, but really he's fine because he still got paid but didn't have to do anything. I just really like our time together. I get really strong and a terrific physically tired feeling. And he's a trip, former embezzler little punk turned trainer. Like a friend but not quite. In anycase I can't afford to miss sessions money or health wise.

But back to the fun stuff. Went salsa dancing last night with Gonzaldo. I haven't been to the place in a while, it was fun, but I didn't dance with anyone too spectacular besides him. Dancing with him is always terrific. I feel very comfortable with him and I can be silly. We did some great bachata which is hard for me. The best bachata I ever did was with this HUGE HUGE fat Dominican man named Joe in a white shirt. He led with his belly. During the bachata with my face pressed into Gonzaldo's neck and his goodies pressed up against mine, I once again wished that I could conjure up 'more than friend' feelings for him. He's such a cool guy, but you just can't force it. Men and women truly CAN be friends, folks.

So I was tired and we left but then I just had to go to the Bar I Always Go To. Down deep I thought I'd run into HFB. I'm either lonely or crazy because why would I still long for a coke head who I don't have great sex or great conversations with? It must be the thrill of the chase, thrill of the conquer thing. I am an aloof addict. Sigh. If he was calling me all the time I'm sure I wouldn't be half as interested. Anyway it was fun there as usual, except a boy I recently dated and now find mildly repulsive was there and I could tell he thought I was being rude because I wasn't introducing him to my friends or paying him any attention. Of course I said hello and made a bit of small talk. But I definatley did NOT want to entertain him. No style cramping, gracias. Nicely it was not an Ugly Duckling night. I was having fun chit chatting, dancing, practicing my spanish, and conducting research.

My new obsession is this ball shaving thing. My theory (developed by chatting to random men at the bar and random women in my life) is that men over 26 who are non-white are shaving their balls in record numbers. It is soooo interesting to me. I spend years thinking about my own body hair but it never in a zillion years occurred to me that men do too. Is it recent? Why is it mostly non-Mexican latino men that do it? Does it encourage more down-there play really?

And so by the end of the night I had procured free drinks (I think associated with the Level 2 guilty thing I did Sat. night) and sure enough HFB came in. He was SO fucked up. He was talkingtalkingtalking and had that off eye thing where he was talking to me but not quite looking at me because he was so loaded. He told some kind of interesting story about gambling and meeting Michael Jordan in the bathroom (did not notice state of balls) and gave me a nice unsolicited hug. He also drank about four jack and cokes and two shots of something in the space of ONE HOUR. Woah, Nelly. The boy has tolerance. And I must have been drunk too if I got excited when he told me a story of some cop who bothered him when he was last leaving my apartment and said "I was at my girlfriend's place..." (although HFB made this motion to let me know he was just saying it, not that it had any meaning) and I also got retarded when he was flirting with my friend and ACTUALLY SAID SOMETHING. Oy vey, Paleta. I am betting he won't remember it, but he was annoyed that I said anything and I felt stupid and then stupid-er that I cared enough to feel stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Anyway he went off with his cousin to gamble some more. And I was propositioned by Level 2 Guilty Pleasure and although he was very cute about it and is lovely in general ("I don't have anywhere to stay tonight...") I persevered.

Okay, I have to go make this kid take a nap and nap myself. I'm hoping for a fun weekend. I get to meet a band I like! Whee!

Paleta de Malas Decisiones

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