01.20.05 - 11:45 p.m.

I got a quiz from Mrs. Brazil but don't know how to copy it on to this and so have no answers. Alas.

I just watched the movie 'The United States of Leland' which was very good and very depressing. Basically it is about a kid who sees the sadness in everything and feels it really deeply. Depression. It reminded me of 'American Beauty' how the kid felt so in pain because he saw the beauty in everything. And the kid in 'Garden State' who just wanted to feel. I love movies that are about depressed/manic feelings that are right on the money. I identified with all of these boys. Really well written, well acted pain. It's been a while since I've been seriously depressed, although if I really sit down and think about our country and our fucking president it can send me down pretty hard. I have been feeling manically high a bit though lately, but I will attribute that to too much liquid, either alcohol or green tea.

I have a tendancy to let difficult things kind of sit in the back of my brain and they seem to come out when I'm ready. Big decisions, dealing with hard feelings.... they kind of marinate back there and come to surface when I can deal. It seems magical because I do deal with them. They don't get totally repressed for very long. I'm feeling pretty brain healthy these days.

I spent the day with Dunkin, a friend of mine from college who lives in my hometown. She's a good friend, we see eachother just a few times a year but it's very easy for us to pick up where we left off. I have that with a lot of folks and I feel thankful for that. She has this mind blowingly cute baby. Brown skin and big eyes and funny mannerisms. She does "cheers" with her baby cup before drinking, and fed me raisins. Making a baby laugh is such a high. Last time I was home I made Dunkin go dancing and I was flirting with latin boys. She felt married (she is) and didn't like it. She points out a lot that we are so different (she's married, baby, job- and I'm travelin', single,etc.). It really doesn't bother me. I think she sees some grass is greener stuff right now, I told her that at least she doesn't have to worry about STD's and whether or not some random,hairless filipino boy with another girlfriend will call (he did!).

I like having friends long enough to see their lives evolve. Hopefully mine is too. It is of the opinion of a great many people who know me that I'm not going to have a long term relationship with anyone if I keep traveling all the time. They are right, but I'm still going. What does that say about me? I say I'm sick of short term lovin' but not so very much I guess in reality. Sometimes it seems like my whole life revolves around trying to get some on a permanent basis/find long lasting love. Having thought I'd found it and then being dumped has kind of freed me to be footlose but then again I wonder if deep down I'm just waiting for the Dumper to come to his senses. Whatever the plan, no more Prancer Spooge-alots.

I'm planning on buying new underware tomorrow- right on!

Paleta de tanga (that makes 0 sense...)

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