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01.12.05 - 4:26 p.m.

Funerals Suck

Funeral for grandpa today. It was pretty sad. Especially when my teenage cousin started crying. She's very sweet and I just had this feeling she was thinking about her own father dying. Of course when the fat,really ugly rabbi was mispronouncing my uncle's name I started ruminating on my own funeral. This is what I decided.
1. Want my organs/body to go to 'science'.
2. If you don't know me you can't speak at my funeral.
3. There should be fruit and chocolate to eat.
4. There will be great, sad music. One song I particularly like is a Mary Chapin Carpenter song called '500 Miles'. I'm not a folkie, but this song is in the movie Fly Away Home (this amazing kids movie about bird migration and parental love) and everytime I hear it I feel amazing and want to cry.
5. People will be encouraged to wear orange and purple and other bright colored clothing.

One great thing is that my grandma wore this incredibly stylish 60's fur hat through the whole thing. She said that my grandpa liked her in hats. I'd rather just have a wedding and more upbeat music. But I'm missing some key elements. Like the husband. I almost got married once and the plans were ridiculous even though we were on a teeny tiny budget and things were to be simple. One thing I wanted is for people to sit in a circle and for there to be capoeira and activities where people had to interact and talk about looove a lot. Now I just want a baby's daddy. And the baby. But I can wait a bit longer.

I don't know how long I'll have to stay here. My dad and I will hang out to take care of my grandma for a bit. I may end up keeping her company for longer. As long as I get to go to the gym and don't eat all the time I should be okay. Although I am selfish and the longer I think of staying the more I miss my friends and the potential of going out. I love going out. Sigh. That's the immature in me, I guess. My friends have been really cool too. Helping me out, writing, calling. Support is everything when someone dies. The woman that bought the house my grandparents lived in for 50 years before they moved into assisted living came to the funeral. That was really cool. Support and love and just general good will. Life is good.

And I love my uncle a lot right now. He's very sweet and sensitive and spoke at the funeral and his personality really came through. He's always been my favorite. He is one reason I would move home again. And that's saying a lot because I loooove the Big City I live in. Funerals bring out a lot of love, that's for sure. And food.

Tchau,
Paleta de chocolate

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