12.23.04 - 4:38 p.m.

Hi. This is my first entry. I was inspired by my friend, Ms. Brazil, who likes to expose herself on her diary. I live in another country right now, so by reading her stuff I feel connected somehow to the life I left behind.

I'm in TRANSITION kind of. I was a teacher in a Big City public school system for a while and it stressed me out... especially in February when things started getting all cold and dreary like they do and I start getting antsy and take more drugs than usual and drink too much and try and bed down boys I don't even really like.

And so last year I hatched A Plan. Not the first one (one great Hatched Plan was the year my boyfriend decided he didn't want to marry me last minute and my dad let me take the money he had lent me for the wedding and I ran away to Mexico for a month and had nice Adventures and smooches). This one is now in action. I lead a college study abroad program in Central America. I don't know if I like it. I like the country, I like speaking spanish but I get lonely and the college students on the program are really privelidged and kind of a drag. I do better with kids...

But really this diary is meant to entertain myself while in this other country and hopefully entertain other people. I'm working on writing a book with stories and comics of my travels but I think this might be another beginning.

And the exposing. I like that.

Right now I'm in the Big City visiting friends before I go back to the program. I'm having fun but kind of masking my overall depression about what the fuck to do with my life by drinking a lot and then feeling really fat and hungover the next day. And my skin is in hell. But I waxed my eyebrows for the first time (I have SERIOUS eyebrows- my capoeira name means Fuzzy Caterpillar for my 'brows) and that makes me feel slightly more lovely. Except last night I was trying to lose myself in the drunken fun at this bar I like full of lovely latin men (my weakness) and at some point it all felt useless and fake and the colombian I gave my number to won't call, and do I really care? And then the bar tender gave himself and all my friends shots but not me one and I was like sitting in the middle of everyone so he couldn't have missed me. And when I made a dumb joke about it they still didn't do anything. Sigh. I just felt like The Ugly One.

But this isn't fun. Who wants to read this crap? So the following diaries will be more about the Study Abroad stuff and cross cultural fun and some tales of sex and drugs and travel in foreign places. But now I just need to get through the holidays.

Sigh.

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